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crystallized-skies's avatar
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Literature Text

deep inside
these glass ribs
fire bursts 
a supernova
burning brightly
melting these 
corrosive 
bones

shedding 
this skin
a metamorphosis
butterfly wings
replace flightless
words

this wildfire
spreads
curling my toes with 
delight
I feel the warmth
like constellations 
in my brain
the pieces connect

slowly 
the icy tomb 
cracks
drums beating once again
death no longer 
has a place
to hide

ignite
and watch the world 
slowly 
dance with
light



Written for ~PrussianPersephone because she's awesome. Go check her out, love on her page a little. Go ahead. She doesn't bite.

Type: free style
Inspiration: fire, ice, stars, and bones
© 2013 - 2024 crystallized-skies
Comments19
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lupus-astra's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

(Keep in mind this is actually the first critique I have ever done, ehe)

I love the imagery in this piece! A tad straightforward, but it's quite nice, nonetheless. And you used my favorite words. c:

One thing I'd have to mention though - I think a little punctuation would help add an impact to this more. Commas and periods and such. for instance:

"deep inside
these glass ribs
fire bursts
a supernova
burning brightly
melting these
corrosive
bones"

could become

"deep inside
these glass ribs,
fire bursts.
a supernova
burning brightly;
melting these
corrosive
bones."

Something like that.

But I really did enjoy this, and it was a nice read. You connected all the prompt words very well and left me with a warm feeling inside. I get the impression of someone finally learning how to "come out of their shell" and opening up to the world; letting other people into their lives and finally learning to enjoy how to live.