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crystallized-skies

Published: Jul 9, 2013

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Literature Text

deep inside

these glass ribs

fire bursts

a supernova

burning brightly

melting these

corrosive

bones

shedding

this skin

a metamorphosis

butterfly wings

replace flightless

words

this wildfire

spreads

curling my toes with

delight

I feel the warmth

like constellations

in my brain

the pieces connect

slowly

the icy tomb

cracks

drums beating once again

death no longer

has a place

to hide

ignite

and watch the world

slowly

dance with

light

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Written for ~PrussianPersephone because she's awesome. Go check her out, love on her page a little. Go ahead. She doesn't bite.

Type: free style
Inspiration: fire, ice, stars, and bones

Comments19

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lupus-astra

Jul 11, 2013

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact

(Keep in mind this is actually the first critique I have ever done, ehe)

I love the imagery in this piece! A tad straightforward, but it's quite nice, nonetheless. And you used my favorite words. c:

One thing I'd have to mention though - I think a little punctuation would help add an impact to this more. Commas and periods and such. for instance:

"deep inside
these glass ribs
fire bursts
a supernova
burning brightly
melting these
corrosive
bones"

could become

"deep inside
these glass ribs,
fire bursts.
a supernova
burning brightly;
melting these
corrosive
bones."

Something like that.

But I really did enjoy this, and it was a nice read. You connected all the prompt words very well and left me with a warm feeling inside. I get the impression of someone finally learning how to "come out of their shell" and opening up to the world; letting other people into their lives and finally learning to enjoy how to live.

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