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Literature Text
Iron clad walls
Patchworked in blues and greens
Rust from the inside out
Tiny fragments of
Mellow insanity
Leak to the surface
The mighty fortress
Is in distress,
There's no where to hide
No simple solution
But to look inside
And view the world within
With an inquiring mind
Through the eyes
We travel to the deepest core
And discover the mysteries of
What lurk behind the castle walls
A carnival of curiosities
Thrive just beneath the surface
Pleading to the outside world
Their voices go unnoticed
Left to dance before a blind eye
Until discovered by a desire to survive
Forward they fly
Through the patched up cracks
Making themselves known
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This is the start of my efforts to participate and (hopefully) complete National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo).
I am completeing this in unison with a journaling project I am doing in my art class. Each poem will coincide with a theme I must illustrate in my journal. With each poem I will provide the theme and a short description.
Theme: The Portal
Description:
Here I wanted to illustrate the idea that what's on the outside can differ greatly from what's on inside and not everyone knows the two sides exist. The "portal" in this case is the idea of self discovery and the journey you take in doing so.
Date: 4/1/2013
NaPoWriMo Piece: #1
I am completeing this in unison with a journaling project I am doing in my art class. Each poem will coincide with a theme I must illustrate in my journal. With each poem I will provide the theme and a short description.
Theme: The Portal
Description:
Here I wanted to illustrate the idea that what's on the outside can differ greatly from what's on inside and not everyone knows the two sides exist. The "portal" in this case is the idea of self discovery and the journey you take in doing so.
Date: 4/1/2013
NaPoWriMo Piece: #1
© 2013 - 2024 crystallized-skies
Comments14
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique ImpactI must say, this is an amazing poem! I like where you were going with this, and how you presented your point. You said in the description that you wanted to convey that things are not always the same on the inside and the out. You do this wonderfully, I can tell this is what you meant because of lines: "No simple solution but to look inside and view the world within..." These lines in particular tells me that most things are only viewed on the outside. That people only look there, and so assume that the inside is the same. When these two things are entirely different (I might be off, but that was how I saw it.)
I can't really see anything to fix. In my eyes, you did a fantastic job of conveying what you wanted to.
Good luck with this project of yours!
Hope this helped..even if only a little.