literature

caught

Deviation Actions

Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

September 7, 2015
caught by crystallized-skies paints a wonderful portrait of the recognizable flight path of childhood, and then gives beautiful, personal insight on the natural cosmic shift of adulthood.
Featured by HugQueen
Suggested by bruxing
crystallized-skies's avatar
Published:
3.6K Views

Literature Text


when I was younger
I used to chase boys
across the schoolyard
and carve their names into
the darkest depths of
my makeshift diaries;
I thought they were my
best kept secrets,
so carefully
tucked away under the
corners of my mattress
(or so I thought until my mother
asked me exactly who
jonathan was and why
my tongue tripped
over his name.)

as I entered
my ripe and pungent
teenage years full of angst
and peer pressure
I found myself falling
or rather flailing
madly into love,
which the first one is
always the messiest
because we’re still not
quite sure what love is
except that it makes your
chest feel tight and
sitting in class next to your now
best-friend-turned-crush
extremely hard--
needless to say he was
neither the first nor last
boy to play with my heartstrings.

but now as I sit on the edge
of adulthood my feet dangling
precariously off its ledge,
the names and faces that
used to line the margins
of my notebooks
have faded to fond memories
and I’ve found myself
traveling a curious little path,
one of exploration and stubbornness,
one that the little girl
on the playground 11 years
earlier would never have
expected to discover,
at least not until
she found her heart
fluttering and spitting,
forcefully caught between
a boy and girl
as she tried to determine
exactly who was
going to win.
This poem was extremely, extremely difficult for me to write simply because my mind could not and (almost) would not talk about my sexuality. I think it's mainly because it's a topic that I've been struggling with a lot lately. As someone who's actually never had any sort of romantic affiliation with anyone, knowing what your body and mind wants isn't exactly easy. Of course, I had my preferences: growing up boys were my poison and all the inevitable crushes fed my hopeless romantic of a heart. But as I've gotten older and as I've tried to figure myself out it seems that boys aren't the only ones that makes my heart flutter. I guess you could blame that desire to answer the unknown, when you yourself are one of the biggest unknowns you've encountered it's hard living with that fact. But clearly my search for self peace has just made a bigger mess of things I guess. But as I travel along this interesting turn of events I just can't bring myself to really identify my sexuality because I honestly don't really know. Am I straight? Bisexual? Do I get complicated with technical terms? Instead of focusing on a label, I'd much rather just say I'll love whoever brings heat to my cheeks and makes my heart flutter.


This piece was wholy inspired by this month's theme over at BeautyInRawHumanity. In light of June being LGBT Pride Month we wanted our members to express their gender and sexual identities through art. If you're interested in joining us for this challenge, you can check the journal out here: fav.me/d8uetf4

If you would like to read a much more experimental piece related to this, however more focused on the idea of not identifying (i.e. about my detestation of labels) you can check out this piece here: sta.sh/015b4boxwps1 I didn't feel it was worthy of a proper upload, but felt some people might like to see it. chromeantennae, you were a major inspiration for this piece. 
© 2015 - 2024 crystallized-skies
Comments82
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
hacker-takyon's avatar
the ending here is intriguing.

on one end, you could interpret it as bisexuality.

on the other, you could interpret it as the narrator's self.